BELOW THIS LINE IS WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY. AFTER THAT IS THE PRODUCT OF THE INVASION OF OTHER VOICES INTO MY SUBCONSCIOUS MIND< AND THE RESULT OF DECADES LONG ATTEMPTS BY POLICE STATE ENTITIES AND INITIATIVES DIRECTED AT ME THAT SEEK TO FRAME ME IN CERTAIN DIALOGUES< AND TO OTHERWISE MARGINALIZE MY THINKING. PUT ANOTHER WAY< I HAVE BEEN BULLIED BY LAW ENFARCEMENT AGENTS AND AGENCIES FOR DECADES>< AS WELL AS BEING OSTRACIZED FROM THEIR SOCIETIES OF CHILD MURDERING VILLAGE BOMBING< DRONE STRIKING WORLD TERROR CAMPAIGNS__FOR WHICH I AM NOT ENTIRELY UNTHANKFUL.
HOWEVER< MY SPEECH< THOUGHTS AND WORDS ARE ALWAYS FILTERED THROUGH THEIR VOICES THAT COMPETE FOR SPACE IN MY MIND__THOSE VOICES< UNAUTHORIZED INVADERS IN MY HEAD, AND UNLIKELY GUESTS IN MY HOME, ALTHOUGH THEY HAVE FOR DECADES SNIFFED THROUGH MY HOMES< AND MY BELONGINGS LIKE A BUNCH OF CREEPERS.
IF I WERE A CHILD< THEY ARE THE CHOMOS THAT HAVE VIOLATED ME>
I don’t get sad or scared when I hear that cops get killed. I get secretly happy. I have no pity when those who objectify others daily finally become the objects–the targets –of someone else’s objectification. After all, in America, cops taser ten year old girls in the vagina, and get away with it. They handcuff little boys as a matter of official capacity (whatever happened to human compassion–or the old fashioned ability of men and women to draw personal lines in their jobs–to stand against what is clearly ‘bad’ and to ‘do the right thing.’? I haven’t yet personally met a young girl or boy who I would taser–ever. And I have never met a child who was so beyond conversation that needed a pair of hand cuffs. Although, I hear, the police state has many millions of photos of kids in such positions.
And they kill mentally ill people almost for sport.
And, maybe is this disparity-this difference of awareness that I have, that leads me to suspect that cops need to get shot and killed once in awhile–these days. Not that I would ever do such a thing, or espouse that it is right to kill cops if you can plan it well enough, or find the right opportunities, although I have more than decades of experience with the police and police state mechanisms that could easily argue otherwise.
For instance, I was once a poor, single father, and cops conspired with the mother of my children to atempt to set me up as a pedophile, which, ironically was shot out of every court that existed at the time, and I was eventualy vindicated legally, but forever stained and bullied by cops after that.
BUt the lawyers got paid. The judges got paid, the social workers and their ilk got to touch a couple more children with their ‘loving, caring hands,’and the cops–especially that big fat bully DE Christiansen–the coward who smashed his jack boot into my toes and tried to make me ‘feel’ whatever it was that cops wanted me to feel while he said ” Do you feel that???!!!???” ( I suspect what I felt was a cop who has/ had sado masochistic bully impulses directed at a man who was half his body mass, and ten times less likely to commit homicide) all got paid to enfarce some security theater. They earned their wage by destroying a father led household based upon the lies of a woman who has since ben convicted of identity theft, methamphetamine use, and a host of other crimes.
I was innocent at every point tghat cops ever assaulted me, but children I once called my own lost big time.
So, I get why someone might want to shoot a cop in the back of the head–and I applaud anyone who has the kind of courage necessary to do so–but I am just a coward; too cowardly to do it myself, even to those that need it (and believe me, for a time, I knew Christiansen’s beat–what time he showed up on such and such Avenue, what his personal habits were when he was there (he seemed to favor bullying slender young black males over bullying larger, more aggressive black males on such and such avenue).
I could never do it. It wasn’t in my calling in this life to shoot cops in the back of the head and be called a cowardly murder, or a bully. But I would shoot them in the face, all things being equal, which they are not, and then, and only then, if their was a real revolution to be had. Which there never will be in America.
But the back of the head just doesn’t seem fair–after all, my face was to the wall when Christiansen grabbed me from behind, and banged my head on it. He reached his size 13 boot into, and between my legs to smash at my toes–I mean, how homo erotic would that be if I were gay? What kind of person does such things??
And, If I were a woman, would it even be imaginable to do such things to a person who was presumed innocent? I don’t think so: lesser things are called rape in my society.
Yeah–I hope I am some pigs worst nightmare, because for decades, I have been tired–oh, so self destructively tired of being police pornography, some dirty violated secret that they pass around in the station house, giggling like schoolgirls over the secrets of ‘what they have gotten away with’ when they did what they did to me. And all of that, hidden behind the false pretense that they are somehow ‘good.’
Ask my white trash kids how their lives worked out–of course its my fault that their lives are marginally ok at best, and in their core, less than satisfying–blame dad who, according to official sources and official records–blame dad, who “mom and some cops say might have hurt you.” in some indescribably, legally untenable, and factually deficient way.
So, yeah, after these kinds of objectifications of my body, repeated often and at every opportunity over decades of time–I get why some cops need a shot in the head, and I applaud those who do such tyhings.
But my personal revolution means merely that I keep the facts of the story straight; that I DON’T kill dirty pigs, because the truth has woken up, and the truth does have its pants on, and my life IS the dirty work of trying to find out how such people are created–and why three children endured unspeakable abuses becuase I was scapegoated and blackmailed for twenty plus years into NOT telling my side of a story–a very, sickly and peculiarly American story.
I kow why someone might kill a cop. I admire those who do, and I admire the courage of these two shooters to do what they did. However, in no way do I ‘advocate’ this as a solution, nor do I find much in what they stood for to be in line with my higher values, beliefs, or aspirations.
But I get why they did what they did, and they are somewhere close to being morally right in what they did–after all, they, like the poice, who objectify, demean, dehumanize, or otherwise denigrate human beings and the state of existence called ‘humanity’ that we are all supposed to share together–I understand why these two objectified two anonymous cops and blew them to bits.
And I applaud such radical and disparate constructions of new possibilities for a society that these two embodied. Like the Black Panthers before them, or what happened in Philadelphia’s MOVE community (where cops murdered wome ad children while icierating an entire neighborhood in their quest to appear ‘right’, these two are part of a long American tradition of attempts at revolution.
The revolutionaries seldom are able to ignite a revolution as Americans are easily purchased outright–their public personas ad opinions are formed around their survival as consumers and consumer transactions far to complex to describe here and now– and easily dissuaded from dissent.
It is this last point that I would like to address: It has always been difficult to dissent in America, and even more difficult to hold opinions that contradict the ‘official’ programming. This is a huge discussion that I don’t have time for right now, but suffice it to say that America is for sale, and its experts and authorities–those who kow the lies of history, but who repeat those lies for paychecks, stand directly in the middle of the dialogues subverting dissent, and when thta dosen’t work, it is they who cry foul and then call the authorities–Homeland Security is the police states most recent incarnation of that authority, whereas in the good ol’ days it was the FBI.
PART ONE, PREFACE:
Some say that there is such a thing as ‘responsible speech,’ or ‘responsible journalism’.
I say that is the kind of duble talk that led us to an illegal war in Iraq, and the after effects–a failed government their, and the exact enemy that we claimed t be fighting is proliferating and destabilizing the country.
The idea of responsible speech has also led to the surveillance state that we have now adopted as a new normal–despite it not being tested in the courts. And even then, the courts that we have as such, are largely of democratic institutions, but rather systems of patronage that lie beyond the pale of the average rights seeking citizen to access. They are ‘purchased’ institutions.
If they were not, then I ask you: why have those that are declared innocent and deemed ready for release at Guantanamo still there? And why do Americas so-called sex offenders languish in indefinite detention, despite their sentences being complete?
So, I get it when journalists and others talk that noble sounding talk ab out ‘responsible speech,’ but in fact, even that idea is a relic of a bygone era–precisely because the US government and its citizens (those who don’t want to know, those who are to poor to afford knowledge, and those who willingly subvert democratic dialogues by deference to police and state agency agendas; those who are returning home from those illegal wars and seeking a place in the ‘I earned my freedom’ seat at the table-) are just to stupid, or complacent, or otherwise bought into the idea that they are somehow responsible by NOT talking about certain things. And, when these certain things–the taboo topics–are broached, they take the stance that they were taught to take. Here are a few examples:
1)”the police are just doing their jobs.”
This is perhaps the number one myth that guides, circumvents, and polarizes dialogues in any circle, on any topic. It is also the deepest most fear inducing threat to free speech that exists, because dialogues that do not line up with the ‘police are the good guys’ meme will certainly and in real time identify a person as having a) a history with police b) issues with policing from a personal perspective c) potential criminal background* d) likely anti government issues, etc–even if they are merely broaching the topic and tipping at the sacred good guys bad guys trope.To even broach this topic is tantamount to heresy, and worse, likely to end in someone or other being labeled in suspicious, or negative terms–as if the police in some fashion are beyond criticism, of doubt as to their ‘noble’ intentions, and anyone who would do so must be a ‘bad’ person.
2) official sources are to be trusted.
Every time some Boy Scout leader, cop or teacher is caught raping kids, it is because they were ‘trusted authorities.” And equally, the last decades of illegal war predicated on the fact that “Saddam had weapons of mass destruction( most ‘normal, average’ Americans still think Saddam and 9/11 are connected-that Saddam caused the Twin Towers to be bombed.). And every lie thereafter, and the journalists who focused all of their energy on reporting ‘official’ news, while labeling real stories “conspiracy theory.” Stories like the one I tried to break in 2003-8–that the government was targeting me, and others in official harassment campaigns, and doing so with illegal, unwarranted wirtetaps into our computers.
Maybe I am just not a good sales man, or I am really crazy ( or just have a bad way of going about it or s/th)–but in that era, I had no way to PROVE what they were doing other than anecdote and the enlisted witnesses who saw wth their own eyes what was being done.
3) the government would never precipitate, or cause the murders or other harms to its citizens.
UM–see point 2, and any other of the many examples from American history where Americans were experimented on like lab rats, poisoned, murdered, harassed etc against the law BY government–the examples are literally to many to name here.
These are just a few of the ideas that lead to people harboring the notion that there is such a thing as responsible speech. And in that light, I am calling bullshit on that–anyone who harbors such a notion does so from a profit perspective–they have something to gain by employing this notion. Their gain could be as simple as appearing to be on the ‘right’ side of an argument or a discussion; or their gain could be, as most journalists are, paychecks based on reporting ‘facts’ and ‘figures’ derived from–you guessed it–‘official sources’.
And officials as sources lie all the time, and stall progress of truth as long as they can to gain financially or politically, or otherwise.
I have nothing to gain–my life is a loss, and unfortunately for me, I was born i to the wrong era. But as a student of history, I have learned only one thing: the individual will always suffer at the hands of collectives, and truth speakers are not appreciated until those collectives murder them, or margialize them in their lifetimes to obscurity and suffering. (think Ghandi, Jesus, Walt Whitman, and many other philosophers poets and so forth)
I walk up to a local chain store–a 1970’s relic of a store that was once what Walmart is today. It is half past 9 p.m., and the parking lot is nearly empty. Closing time at big box stores is a vulnerability. Here’s why:
* in my case, I have been charged with the most heinous offenses that my society can dish out, and though innocent every time of such charges, the police created what is commonly called a ‘rap sheet’ that is in-arguably the most basic form of blackmail that a society can heap upon those who come into contact with its lowest denominator–policing–and know or try to protect their rights.So, interaction after intraction leads to the difference between say, a white female who runs over some kids getting off a school bus being given a ticket for distracted driving, and later charged with involuntary manslaughter, given probation and done, versus me–and this is a true story–being a passenger in a vehicle driven by a homicidal maniac who chases down a driver, assaults them with a metal pipe, and me, falling onto that person to save their life–being charged with attempted murder because the blood was on me; but also because I told the cop that I would only speak on condition that I had a lawyer present.
And the homicidal maniac? He was given a ticket for driving without insurance….
And lower than that is the fact that if one learns how the police psychology uses these records to further blackmail, intimidate, or harass a citizen-the harassment is increased every time that citizen comes into contact with police. And those records are what guide police to bias their interaction against a citizen. These records of interactions are the root of the myth that “all people are innocent until proven otherwise.’ In my own personal cases, at all times I was conscious of my right to a lawyer–and, when I invoked that right and others I endured: verbal, sexual, emotional abuse; further “B.S.” written into their official records, and lasting, enduring and painful daily reliving of these traumatic experiences. my dreams have been an endless stream of police brutality for decades.
The right to counsel is th most important right that a citizen has against another form of police brutality–the method that they often employ to make it appear as if their time, purchased by public dollars, pays for itself: they need to make a charge ‘stick,’ and in lieu of that, they need to appear as if they nearly got a ‘bad guy.’ Innocence means nothing to police: charges that stick mean salaries, pensions, and after hours gigs doing security for cash. Oh, and that golden est of all golden apples–the appearance of being “good” well meaning people entrusted by societies highest orders to ‘do the right thing.’
Which is often so wrong.