I just participated in a RAPE!

UPDATE: actually, it was a homicide. However, due to the egregious and conflated American tendency to almost exclusively phrase violence in sexual terms, and terms of power where men hold power and women do not, I presumed that he incident narated below was a rape, when in fact it was a homicide.


Silence is golden, especially for Jody Foster, and lambs. Sometimes, the lesbians need to learn when it is time to just STFU!!!!!!

And let others do the hard work of bringing you to the answer that you seek.

But: what is the question, right? How could I know the question, right?

Well, here’s a clue, Clouseau: WordPresse’s auto save just saved that thought, I think.

Well–the clue: Sometimes when I break up a family of racoons, I feel a slight bit of remorse. LIke, the other day I captured a young female coon, and, when she realized, finallly, after a little bit of taming, that she had been trapped.

Then, like all trapped animals, including myself–she went belly up! In the trap, after some sound hosing, and some other anti-violence training–she went bellyup, and rolled on her back.

If only human women were more resolute, and feistier than raccoons! Oh, I could live another life. But I can’t–I am stuck with this one.

and, about six days ago, I was stuck with another raccoon, who came to my pond, to eat my fish, and who began to destroy things–she wrecked 20% of my pond fauna before I even took action! She ate approximately $3.97 worth of fathead and crappie minnows!

But worst of all? She brought a gang of coons to my back yard who threatened me every night for weeks! Why, just the other night, her kin had me surrounded!

I went outside, attempting to get some beer from my garage regrigerator, and whammo!!

Hissing, and barking, and clawing–came the pack! i had no idead how many there were–I was under fire!!

Threats! Threats!!!! EVERYWHERE!!!!

If only I had a gun!!!!!

If oNlY I was man enough to HAVE a gun!!! ANd then, to be able to use it responsibly, in a socially beneficial manner!!!!!!!

But I am, despite mysellf and my apparent grandiosity, a lowly operator–a beer guzzling coward, devoid of the ability to wage war on coons, or raccoons for that matter, here at home, or overseas, like the real heroes.

I wish I was  socially progressive, child protecting, tattooed lady pimp, but alas, I am not;-(

But nothing stands between me and my beer, even coons. And, though I won’t kill them unless they get me at the femoral artery first, I will trap the shit out of them.

And when I say shit, I mean, literally, the last coon that I trapped shit in my car and left it smelling so foul, and so base that I can no longer roll the windows up in clear conscience. And of course, for personal safety, I wear thick, rawhide gloves when driving that car–who knows what diseases coons carry???

Anyways, the trap, and the rape, outside the trap. Yes, rape happens.

Seldom does rape happen to white women, although the general narrative of white women could likely be improved by actual–not imaginary, or fantastical rapes like in the recent hit movie “40 shades of mothers greyish stained underwear drawer,” and as we both know (you, my dearest reader) rape happens to men, children, and other colored people who are not white women in numbers that make the rapes of white women look like what they are: disproportionately observed, ethically dubious, and emotionally charged pleas for state agency funding–conflations really, of truth and lies that get the ear of poiticians and cops, and then, harness billions in resources to institute quasi-police states at local level community service organizations.

Well, I am getting of track.

Even now as I write, I am LISTENING to a rape, or, as best as I can guess–based solely in my primitive understanding of the language of raccoons–“yNgHai, yoo yoo!? and then a sudden “hngyaii nynghyaiii! nnghyayyy” and then “raow raow, nngyick!” Means rape. Without a doubt, this means rape.

Now, I am no professional sleuth mind you–I am just a fish, out of water most of the time, and even when I am in my bubble? I have NO IDEA how your world works, or how your languages and para languages really sound–much less what the words you people say mean.

NO IDEA. I am blank on interpreting the mincing rascals that fall fronm the lips of American speakers–none of whom even aproximate anything near truth as I know it; and all of whom-100% of whom, are mere products of indoctrination and propaganda spewed via major media outlets, union teachers, and cops–“Bad Boys, Bad Boys, watcha gonna do…?”

This is it, then. This is what this little fish is gonna do-I am going to continue to try to understand the dialectic of rape, by listening to raccoons. So far, I understand their language more than I understand yours.

And remember: I am just a fish, in a bubble. Who could trust my word against your whole entire society?

I have no language for that–and, fortunately as of this moment-the moment I live in?(thanks Michelle for reminding me) Things look so different from a bubble than they do from outside of one–and coons sure do make noise when they fuck!

Fuck, that’s a forbidden word in Dioxin land, right?

Well, anyways–the rape that I am participating in even as we speak!!!!!!!

Those damn coons–no one likes to break up a family, right? And certainly, I don’t want it on MY RECORD that I would break up a family, of course, unless they deserved it!!

Well, I am just doin’ mah job! It’s what trappers everywhere do. Although it is sad when a group of coons get separated, sometimes for life, it is important to remember, that without me, doin’ mah job, it is quite likely that those coons would still be together, robbin’ ponds.

And that is just not acceptable. Crime must pay, and, too, I have a job to earn, being one of the good guys/gals and all.

Oh, shit. It sounds like the rape is over, again! No more rape right now. Friggin coons ain’t fuckin’ out my back door no more.

But here’s what it looked, and sounded like ( as I discussed earlier, one of them ruined my game camera with their little fangs, and even stole some prime honeypot bait–my half liter of goldfish food! they took it lock stock and barrel right from under my nose!–and even then, if I photographed them fucking at the head of my pond 30 minutes ago, it would have been indecent–and I personally have NEVER done that, though others do, and to them, it is important to do-but had I photographed these coons fucking? I am pretty sure the female was a juvenile.

And that wouldn’t have been cool, even in fish world, though some seem to find themselves quite comfortable with the idea of raping the innocence of privacy. I am just not one of them.

Well, anyways, before I get much further: raccoon rapist, caught nearly in the act( I will provide more details shortly, but it is soooo important that I get a picture posted of this bastard–this rapist–that words do not do the topic justice–so pictures are worth thousands of words right?? So here are some pictures of a rapist (I think.)!


The crime scene. It is generalized, I know. But take my word for it–I am a trusted trapper, and an authority on raccoon rapes. To the left (trust me) their is a little coon, one of this years crop, saying ” nrghaiii! NrnghAHiii!, and it is in a trap. To the right, are three raccoons-one, a female, and two likely male, consorting with her as they would the devil. It is devil-coon rape, in my opinion. Trust me.


Crime scene photo 2: TRust me, their are raccoons raping in this picture, Of course the picture is fuzzy-but that is only because, as of the time this post was posted, the law does not allow for proper protections to save young, fertile raccoonesses from rape.


Here’s that kill-worthy little rapist (most likely–there is one other coon in the background, but only smug little rapists of raccoonesses would come to the foreground–they seek the limelight. They revel in being :shined”. Trust me–I am a coon trapper, with years of experience with these types. See next photo for proof.


The face of a rapist. I heard this guy doing things to a young raccooness that you would NEVER imagine could be done–to a young raccooness.  And, I saw with my own two eyes how this BASTARD lulled her to sleep after the brutal rape–I threw sticks at them, I threw a bottle–but neither of them woke up after the evil rape! They slept, at the head of my pond, despite many attempts to throw sticks at them, and prove that the raccooness was NOT a voluntary member of that union. And, I will do whatever I can to prove that THIS COON IS A RAPIST!!!!!! Look at how he mocks me! Probably, anti-social. Most definitely, satiated. Where IS my baseball bat???

I just can’t go on right now–I am too torn up about the rape that I just watched. Maybe tomorrow, I can recover, and finish this post, but for now–my heart goes out to raccoonesses everywhere–what this guy did was indecent, intolerable–and in NO WAY, can I ever-EVERRR–understand why he did what he did.

After all–I trapped her mother just last night; and today, I trapped her brother. AND, along came this guy–this rapist interloper who had no idea how I had these coons contained (see pictures above) and THEN, along came another.

All in all, two down, three to go.

Or--I get fat either way, cuz I’m a ball player, a real local hero, who always plays by the rules, and always, get my man!





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